The Paradox that Is Brothers
It isn't a new thing to see Caleb and Brendan bickering over something. They have been doing it since they were capable of verbal interchanges. The thing is that recently their up and down relationship has really been giving me whiplash.
These two can go from best friends to greatest enemies within seconds, and back and forth multiple times an hour. It's quite dizzying. They can go from having a great time together talking Minecraft or playing Legos, then turn into crazed, screaming (and often hitting) terrors, yelling such things as, "I hate you! I wish you weren't my brother!" Talk about extreme. And heartbreaking to hear. Caleb gets bossy and condescending. Brendan purposely does things that annoy Caleb until he explodes. Round and round we go. I seesaw between despair and pulling out my hair.
You'd never know it, but I HAVE actually tried to teach them communication skills. I have read books on sibling rivalry and have tried to, for instance, give them time to work things out for themselves rather than being a helicopter parent. (Too bad that 99% of the time, they resolve their differences with violence even though they know better.) We have had countless family home evenings on kindness and how to handle disagreements. After such FHE's, I have posted ideas on the walls upstairs and down of what to do if someone is annoying you. We've discussed. We've role played. I've had consequences for violence and enacted a "repentance chair" method where they have to sit on the couch together and talk things out. But we keep coming back to the same cycles of love followed swiftly by loathing. I am at a total loss.
There is also the constant "he said, he said" business, too. Since often I am not in the room to see with my own eyes exactly what went down, I have elaborations on the truth from both parties which are impossible to resolve. I have tried sending them both to bed early (since it takes two to tango). I've taken away privileges like tv and video games. Nothing works, and I can't continue to live my life like this. Ahhhhhhhhh!
I continue to pray about them and for them. I don't really know what else to try. Thankfully, they don't share a bedroom anymore, but that does not ease the situation when we are trapped all day in the house with all these snow emergencies cancelling school and whatnot. I try to think of activities we can do together - we play games, I have been reading a book aloud, we do the occasional art or science activity, we've baked cookies - but I can't play activities director for the full 14 hour day. It is times like these that I feel like I have failed as a parent. What can I do to help my children to be kind and considerate of one another? What can I do to teach them to be a little more patient, a little more tolerant, to let things go and be less proud?
It is only those peaceful moments in between battles that give me hope. Last night at bedtime, for instance, Brendan came down and asked if they could spend the night in the toy room (this was not long after the latest argument, mind you). I told them they could and later found this.
Totally enjoying their little indoor camp out together. How can two brothers both love AND dislike each other so much and so often? Is the testosterone to blame? Personalities? Both? I suppose I can only wait to see if time and maturity will temper these waters. Pray for us!
These two can go from best friends to greatest enemies within seconds, and back and forth multiple times an hour. It's quite dizzying. They can go from having a great time together talking Minecraft or playing Legos, then turn into crazed, screaming (and often hitting) terrors, yelling such things as, "I hate you! I wish you weren't my brother!" Talk about extreme. And heartbreaking to hear. Caleb gets bossy and condescending. Brendan purposely does things that annoy Caleb until he explodes. Round and round we go. I seesaw between despair and pulling out my hair.
You'd never know it, but I HAVE actually tried to teach them communication skills. I have read books on sibling rivalry and have tried to, for instance, give them time to work things out for themselves rather than being a helicopter parent. (Too bad that 99% of the time, they resolve their differences with violence even though they know better.) We have had countless family home evenings on kindness and how to handle disagreements. After such FHE's, I have posted ideas on the walls upstairs and down of what to do if someone is annoying you. We've discussed. We've role played. I've had consequences for violence and enacted a "repentance chair" method where they have to sit on the couch together and talk things out. But we keep coming back to the same cycles of love followed swiftly by loathing. I am at a total loss.
There is also the constant "he said, he said" business, too. Since often I am not in the room to see with my own eyes exactly what went down, I have elaborations on the truth from both parties which are impossible to resolve. I have tried sending them both to bed early (since it takes two to tango). I've taken away privileges like tv and video games. Nothing works, and I can't continue to live my life like this. Ahhhhhhhhh!
I continue to pray about them and for them. I don't really know what else to try. Thankfully, they don't share a bedroom anymore, but that does not ease the situation when we are trapped all day in the house with all these snow emergencies cancelling school and whatnot. I try to think of activities we can do together - we play games, I have been reading a book aloud, we do the occasional art or science activity, we've baked cookies - but I can't play activities director for the full 14 hour day. It is times like these that I feel like I have failed as a parent. What can I do to help my children to be kind and considerate of one another? What can I do to teach them to be a little more patient, a little more tolerant, to let things go and be less proud?
It is only those peaceful moments in between battles that give me hope. Last night at bedtime, for instance, Brendan came down and asked if they could spend the night in the toy room (this was not long after the latest argument, mind you). I told them they could and later found this.
Totally enjoying their little indoor camp out together. How can two brothers both love AND dislike each other so much and so often? Is the testosterone to blame? Personalities? Both? I suppose I can only wait to see if time and maturity will temper these waters. Pray for us!
Comments
Both full of energy. Both love each other BUT both different too and are BOYS!!!!!!!! Remember with all your teaching you're doing the right thing but they have to govern themselves (too a point).
(but if you come up with something that works wonders- please pass it along! :)
Anyway, I think your boys are much like many siblings, certainly ours so take heart!!